Whenever you are trying to capture a cause that requires understanding the beneficiary, it is important to connect their experience with yours.
One of the classic examples is the narrative around addiction.
I have read about fentanyl, alcohol, and other harmful addictions in the essay narrative. The ones where I suggested edit in the opening paragraph were essays that had no genuine motivation for associating with a cause.
For one person, it was because she lived in a neighborhood that was now unlivable for a family because of homelessness. When she broke down, the cause of homelessness, it came back to addiction, which again, when broken down, was from trauma and lack of family or community support.
The solutions she recommended were all excellent, but it came across as a consultant offering a solution instead of a personal narrative. But when I dug deep and asked to cite her earliest encounter with addiction, she cited a time from her childhood when her father was addicted to alcohol. Now he is sober, but she vividly remembers how that phase was extremely stressful for her family.
Once she personalized the essay in the opening paragraph, it was much easier to demonstrate motivation.
For the addiction narrative I have captured in Harvard MBA Growth essay – Gaming for Good, the applicant is narrating the devastating consequence of addiction that forced him to a foster home. Luckily, his adoptive grandparents were crucial to his success.
Tackling addiction in his community, especially among teenagers, was connected to his personal journey.
In the second half of the essay, the applicant is describing a creative solution to an age-old problem. When you include any creative solution, it should not feel like it is an impossible alternative. One way to do that is by citing collaborators in your essay and offering a realistic perspective about the challenges and the potential to transform the community.