Whenever you cover negative and downbeat themes, piling on to the trauma narrative is counterproductive. At some point in your essay, preferably by the last one-third of the essay, the style should shift to a silver lining or a trend that is uplifting.
By the 2nd half of the essay, the focus should be on a solution that you have worked on or the steps that address the beneficiary in some form.
For the essay on mental health in low-income families, the solution is not straightforward. There are multiple demographics that fall under low-income families. So, you must be careful to include only a subset of the larger group.
When you include experiences from your life to connect with the beneficiary, your story need not neatly fall into the persona of the beneficiary. For example, in the essay example, the applicant’s parents are wage workers while the beneficiaries he is helping are farmers. The common challenge both demographics face is financial insecurity.
Pick the right subset of the beneficiary, connect with your identity if you have a similar background, and always use a reflective & balanced tone to address the change in perspective you experienced.